busy_t0uching

busy_t0uching @ 2006-07-03T12:19:00

2006-07-03T16:21:14Z

i wish i had more to say without sounding rly gay my boyfriend makes mehappy and i hate my vag periods are crappy i feel so menstrualL and i hate myself i wish i was a little elf i rly just wanna eat ice pops with my pals theyre awesome rly awesome theyre rly hot gals and i want the sun to back up off me or hide half itself behind half a tree so it wasnt AS hot i feel like im gonna rot so time for a shower cause AQUA=POWER.

im gay~*

yaYyY!!

2006-06-27T17:32:44Z

i used to always wish i could be the girl with the boyfriend holding her and kissing her hand while they did something regular like wait on line fer somethin. and now i am. <3

we woke up at 4:45 the other morning. fuck. i had to get home. i was cell-less at the time- i didnt want my mother to worry. we stumbled a little, half conscious, and put our clothes on maybe backwards. we parked his car infront of a small party the night before. we said we were "going to get food." (in that case, it was the most beautiful meal of my life<3)as we approached the host house, i said i liked sleeping next to him. he let his head drop back a little in the passenger seat and said, sounding happy/relived, "i love it when you sleep next to me, baby."

BOYS

2006-06-23T07:22:14Z

LOL ugh

2006-06-23T07:20:36Z

i put some sprinks in my mac & cheese to make it look pretty and it tasted like fucking vom.

busy_t0uching @ 2006-06-20T18:54:00

2006-06-20T22:57:36Z

we didnt get out of bed till four pm<3

ps- we figured out how many white castle burgers it is (measurement wise) from here to the moon and back (with some left over for lunch) last night with summa dans friends lol we ruled~~"* and spoke to the SUPERVISOR of 411 hahaha it was pretty rockin.

busy_t0uching @ 2006-06-18T11:11:00

2006-06-18T15:15:38Z

the above represents how i feel about myself.

busy_t0uching @ 2006-06-16T12:12:00

2006-06-16T16:37:52Z

i watched myself talk to him as i adored my motions through the reflection in his aviators. goddamn, i look good in my b-suit. but then i noticed his eyes. i looked right throughmyself and saw him. then i thought, "please dont ever go away." we layed on the beach for a while...turning and then sitting up. we found the finest shells, the small lil ones, and put them on each others knees. situations like this are delicate. we walked to the water and the sand covered up our feet.

we re-named all the animals at the ecology center and talked about what we'd do with our own island. and its good talking like youre gonna be a permanant rez. in someones life. its good when they talk back like that.

eventually we landed on top of entombed trash. we stood on a bench and looked out at everything, of course. his hands kind of brushed mine in the awkward 'i wanna do this do you wanna do this' sequence of finger brushes. i brushed back. we held hands all the way down port.

we laughed a lot, partially becuase we were being really funny and somehwat becuase we were nervous/excited, you know what i mean. i know you know what i mean. we got drinks and i asked if he wanted to walk over to tiger lily's. he said he actually wanted to go chill in the van by the water.

"i dont ever want to leave this. this right here" he is amazing<3

we kissed and we laughed and we talked about how happey we were.

back at his house, i explained to him that i dont prefer to keep gentlemen around for longer than i please. i have a habit of kickin people out before they can even come in. ive become frighteningly good at separating physical things from emotional things and often use cuddling and "stuff" as a way to justify kicking people out. if your rush things, then its not new anymore. and what do you do with old things? YOU THROW THEM OUT. ive somehow managed to become this shitty person when it comes to relationships becuase immostly scared and convinced that im fine on my own. i NEVER say "dont go."

but i want him around. hes a good fucking person. and he likes me more than anything right now. and i care. a lot. i care a wholeee lot about this. its scary and i told him that. but i like it. i like it a lot<3

sikeedddddd :]

2006-06-15T06:29:35Z

AHHHHHHHHHH tomorrow we are going to spend the day together<3

WOW

2006-06-13T04:23:04Z

:)

Scene In Decline (11:44:44 PM): haha i totally miss you

busy_t0uching @ 2006-06-08T01:07:00

2006-06-08T06:07:57Z

woooOoooo hooooOOoo~*

filled out my profile. now the whole world will know that... i lost my virginity: back in 'nam.

i rule haha

god whyyyyyy. i like him. very much so. but it just cant happen. hell, you cant even hold me to that becuase i dont even know.

do i really like him? or do i like the idea of liking him?

honestly, im gonna have to go with the latter.

why. why. why. do i always lose.

six six oh sixxx

2006-06-07T03:32:51Z

hellOOoOo~~*

uh so today i started @ h&m and i rly like it:] the ppl there are rly nice and tmrw i hope to do an even better job. i think they like meeeee<3 heheahhahAHRHAHAH

i went to the beach with some pals the other day... uh, yestreday. or maybe yesterday. sometimes im just too lazy to hit delete. actually, im always too lazy to hit delete lol anywaysssszzz. april shared some oreos and i loved it and jare wore her glasses and i loved that too and nickle threw me in the ocean and i loved that as well. getting killed in the sand was the best feeling ever. honestly.

my life is/was so.....serious. like, i am rather fun. i mean i dont mean to toot my own horn but beep beep cause i like being around myself most of the time. but my life has always been so constricting. i feel like right now i have about 5 years of youth to make up for. if i wasnt makin my own dollars, i was workin' to make em for some one else. and all the years that yr supposed to have fun...like ya know .. highschool years... i spent them half in love and half insane. i think about the time i spent in behavioral health and im like wow.. who the fuck wassss that child. i remember what got me there. and i remmeber why i did what i did. i did what i did becuase it was the only way out. it was the only way i could freak out. and i just needed to. kids/teenagers and stress are a shitty shitty combo. when i have kids, i swear to god they are never going to feel like they HAVE to work. i never want my kids to have to pay for groceries or bills. at least not before theyre 18. cause it sucks. i personally know that it sucks.

well... yeah. so this dude... nickle... is 100% out of his mind. and i love it.

and we hang out with this kid jared that ppl call bear but i already know a bear so i call him jare and hes fun and awesome and knows people who can do the lighting for my pictures hahha kill me<3

im not 100% sure im going to do it. im 100% sure that i WANT to do it.... but like... ahhhhh its a lot to consider. its also 100% flattering might i add. lol

will is hanging out with kat tmrw YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! i likewill. he's def. changed since last year. good good good.

will told me to throw up on his balls the other day and it was the funniest thing ive heard in a while.

i was looking through my old entries and i found the one of this one night i spent with joe. we were kissing....and he giggled a little...so soft and so presciously. and i was liek waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat and he whispered... this song is really gay. and my heart melted. what do you do with that. hahaha i smile whenever i think of that night... i dont know why.

oh god help me why cant i find a decent guy. that i like. the one person i want to be with... i cant be with... awesome.

rated x is now 21+. who wants to punch someone in the face? i do. thank goddddddddddddddddddddddddd my nigga dj n/a is gonna hook up the fake id's . i love danspag!!i wish cyn would like him back~~*

okay well im gonna go watch dear wendy now.

i love you, i love you.

oh.okay.

2006-06-04T19:02:56Z

its 3 and im stillin bed awesome.

last night i was leaving wills house and was driving towards sunrise when i just completely died crying. i had to turn around and park someplace. and i just held onto my steering wheel and cried really hard and decided it could only be fixed with black coffee. so i called will who i left with nickle and jare and we hung out for a lil bit while i drank coffee @ amjad's.

i have nothing. physically, i have plenty. rather, the potential to have plenty. my family may not be rollin' ... but we get by, man. and i work enough to get what i need all the time ya know? but of courseits true that mone cant buy happiness, man.

theres no love in my life. and its shitty becuase i have so much love to give. and im scared to give it.

pandajerkscorpion woman

2006-06-04T16:13:47Z

you know when youre in a relationship and things are changing? not bad change though... just a "we're growing apart" change. And you try to hold on but you know you really want the change too. You're over it. Thats exactly how I feel right now. And the person I need to let go is myself. Everything in my life is changing. Rather, everything in ME is changing.

psssssssssssss

2006-06-01T18:22:52Z

omg me & the raps went with kyle frankie and tony down port the ohter night and kyle screams like a lil girl getting killed when frank tickles him i thought i was gonna die laughing. haha and then frank tried to throw tony over the dock and it was funny and we fell asleep on the way home i love those kids. going down port was better... seeing as how our other option was going to this place called the incinerator.

yo!

2006-06-01T18:11:59Z

my life is pretty fresh right now becuase:

1.) I QUIT THE CAFE!! PEACE OUT BELLPORT! and everything that was tying me down!

2.) I got a job @ H&M~~~~

3.)I got accepted for this modelling thing i rlly wanted. and im 99% sure its cause mah skin is brownnnnnn hahahah. peircings and tattoos were pretty much required lol

4.)ive been hanging out with some really good kids lately. xo LINDY&westbab

5.)J$ got a car & a job and peaced out of john jay and the raps is in love & graduated. knowing my friends lives are sweet right now too, esp the two girls i care about so so so so so much, is enough to make me say uuuuuuh (uuuh) na na na na( na na na na ) [please tell me someone remembers that song...]

6.) the quiet things that no one ever knows<3 the things that kill me are the very things i live for.

and now i gotta go carlton banks HSBC cause theyre dumb mother fuckers and like to take a buck and a half out erry time i check my bal @ sevs. FUCK YOU I HOPE YOU DIE RIGHT AFTER I CLOSE MY ACCOUNT NIGGAAAAAAAS TAKE YAH DAMN DEBIT CARD BACK TOO. ya bitch.

soo basically

2006-05-21T19:50:57Z

things are getting better.

i can feel it.

awesome!

2006-05-18T02:35:56Z

i do it to myself.
all of the time
when the fuck am i going to learn.

so in efforts to cheer myself up, i made a digital pet. wow. im nineteen years old....

kill kill kill

2006-05-17T18:45:24Z

woke up today @ 6:30... got break w. the raps @ 8:30 and played by the water & got some shells and stuff. and thennnn we malled it and now im home, shes @ work, and drop dead fred is on. im siiiiiiked on our stuff we're making for this summer. its cute. its funny. its OURS and we want it to be YOURS.

i think you are fabulous.

how about some pub. friend shout outs cause im just here chillin waiting for jon to call me back.

JOANNA. hi! im siked yr home. we r gunna be chillinnn oouutttttt;) yay fun!

tinakatrina. thats not yr name. maybe it should be. youuuuuuuuuu i haent spoken to you in a hile and i hope yr enjoying graduation. its the best time ever. i dont know if you guys had prom yettt buuuuuuut if you did i hope you had a blast if you didnt i hope you have a blast and i wanna see pictures.<3

katieeeeeee.i hope yr enjoying the beginnign of summer!!!!! go to the beach withcur pup :) i hope you are happy <3

i hope you are all happy.
:)
NO MATTER WHAT,.

:{| mustache

2006-05-14T20:14:47Z

and just remember you got a lot of heart.
and a lot of balls.

soooo im rly nerv.
i have to tell my boss @ the cafe that i dont want to work there.
well, as much.
ideally, id like to work 3 days there.
yeah, i know.
rather, ideally i want to quit there.
but i know i cant exactly, so i figure 3 days is right.
ill most likely be only able to get away with 4 days.

i just want to have my time back, man.
i just want some time.
rather, as i just said- i want MY time.

theres like 7million things i want to do this summer.
7 million things i NEED to do this summer.
and ill be damned if i dont.

i just got done wtching a rather sad movie.

so my life recently has consisted of fabulous beginings.
and not so fabulous endings.

i love you.

busy_t0uching @ 2006-05-06T02:56:00

2006-05-06T07:03:06Z

what isnot-- is not to like? a shiny bike! (no lock, no key) ITS THERE FOR ME)

mmhmm yupppp so one of toms friends said he'd fix my bike (i took it from in front of some ones house... awfulmaybe nope! i think they were throwin it out....heh... maybe i hope they were thrwoin it out...) and i told him id buy him a milk shakeeeee

this weekend.. tomorrow.. rather, tonight... we are going to dance. im excited. andim nervous. and i needa go wash my face.

i made 100 dolalrs today

i want to go to VA to see my friends reallyyyyy soon, please.

and get a tamagotchi

and i rly wanna ses. bagel with butter right now. well, my raging estrogen wantsone, that is.

imma go make waffels.

busy_t0uching @ 2006-05-04T16:19:00

2006-05-04T20:22:52Z

I LOVE MY LIFEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

things with tom are good. oh wait i lie like a rug.

THEYRE FAB.!!

yeah i just said fab its alright if you kill me for it.

uhhhh yeah were coolin' things for a lil bit till schools over cuz i g0tta focus. but tonight we're having a romantic and i like those. were just gonna chill & enjoy each other. nice nice nice, i know.

people are really nice a lot lately. its makin me wanna love everyone.

more than i already do that is.

it makes the heart grow fonder

2006-04-26T02:31:32Z

im watching the video for im a slave 4 u anddddd yeh, i rly do wanna dance up on you britney spears. too bad yr rly gross & the 2006 posterchild for trash. sowwy:(

all i wanna know right now is what happened to dj skribble. i mean, where did he go? something tells me hes still @ the mtv spring break beach house. i dont know.

i dont know man. without words, he's made it perfectly clear that i cant fuck with him. he really isnt gonna take any of my bullshit and im not used to that. honestly, i do what i want when i want. and i like being alone. and guys, well.., they come and i let 'em go. well, its more like i kick them the fuck out. mention "girlfriend" and im like SEE YA LATER, BYE. this hasn't always been the case. wait, im lying. yes it has.

im way too self involved. and i dont want to change that.

predicament.

buuut i like tom. i like it when he comes around. a lot, man. its really nice. and i find myself NOT wanting to push him away or punch him when he hugs me. normally im like ahhhhh what the fuck are you doing get off meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee when guys get all doofy and cuddly. like, ew, man. back the fuck up you look like a doofus. but this time, not so much. im like.. yeah man... hug me. hug me for a while, its cool, i swear.

damn, man.

in other news, i washed my extensions and sloppily straightened some of my real hair... and it looks fucking awesome. cause its like volume gone wild. cause my rl hair is curly and my ext. are straight. i love it a lottttt woo hooo.

************************

2006-04-25T01:55:41Z

we are going to see the animals wednesday & getting a goldfish for me. hi my name is stephanie and i like tom. he agreed to name the fish MASTADON JEFFERSON FEBRUARY THE FIRST its gonna be mad presh. ;)

im so siked on my own life.

the addition of tom is nice too haha esp. the xoxo part.

:]

2006-04-06T23:59:27Z

erry thing is good.

gff

2006-04-06T03:37:16Z

l oh el ephant (11:35:00 PM): ehh who even cares anymore
el oh el ephant (11:35:01 PM): i have no idea
el oh el ephant (11:35:08 PM): i dont even knwo why i brought ti up
el oh el ephant (11:35:08 PM): lol
Hoanna (11:35:11 PM): lol
Hoanna (11:35:17 PM): because secretly you do care
Hoanna (11:35:18 PM): deep down